Our Baby Boy

Officially I cannot really say that anymore, but since he has been our only boy and our youngest for the past 8 years, it may take awhile to adjust to the fact that he is a big brother and one of two boys. 

When we decided that it was time to add to our family again, I told T that we would probably have to have a baby in a totally different season to get a boy because all our girls are spring babies. 

We had moved to a new house and gotten settled and our jobs were going smoothly.  The girls were enjoying all the new space we had, and I was feeling that it was time to add another baby to the mix. 

So after the holidays and the New Year went by and I started feeling nauseous, I knew we had another baby coming.  I did not have a ton of morning sickness, but enough to remind me that I was growing a new life.

My whole pregnancy I felt I needed a doctor who could do a c-section without handing over to another doctor, and at the time, I had no idea why.  Things went along smoothly, except the hot, hot summer came along changing the game.  I began to swell and become a little more miserable than I ever was with the girls.  I could not wear shoes except flip flops and they would cut into my feet.  I could not sit at my computer to work more than an hour before my legs would hurt and my hands would go numb.  I had a hard time walking and moving around.  We did not have air conditioning just were able to open windows and do the cross breeze thing and fans. 

We had the ultrasound and when they told us what we were having, T was in complete shock.  I am not exaggerating when I type he asked the ultrasound tech FIVE times to check the gender of our baby and FIVE times she said we were having a boy.  He was on cloud nine for so long.  He could not stop smiling all day long and started making father/son plans.

I went to the county fair and walked around and people would make mention of how BIG I was and we went to the rodeo with our friends and I climbed bleachers and tried to stay active and get the baby to come. 

September came and the due date came and nothing.  I was so swollen and ready and willing to have our little one.  Then I had contractions and went into the labor and delivery, but they were not consistent enough for the nurses and doctor to keep me because they were extremely full that day.  So the next day we had scheduled an induction because T had hunting coming up on the weekend. 

Three days overdue and we went into the hospital at 5 p.m. excited that by the end of the day we would have a little boy and would have him in our arms and our girls would have a little brother.  Neither one of us had even a clue how quick things could go south.  We got all settled in the room and they hooked me up to all the things like IV and monitor, etc.  Then the nurse started the Pitocin and contractions were coming and T and I were conversing back and forth, etc.  We were 30 minutes into it and the nurse said would you like some more to get things really going, and I said a little more.  So things were really going but I was only at a 5 when they checked.  The nurse said we can give you the max dose and really get this party started, so I was handling everything okay so I agreed.  If I had known how that agreement had turned out, I would have adamantly said no. 

They gave me the max dose, and I progressed quickly, but I could not breathe and they had to put oxygen on me and the one dose of pain medicine I asked for because the Pitocin was taking everything out of me leaked out of my IV onto the floor.  I was at an 8 and not going further and the monitor showed K’s vitals were gone. My thought was that I was going to give birth to a nonviable infant and I had worked so hard up to this point to have this baby boy.  They called in another doctor to consult and it was suggested the best possible outcome would be to take him c-section.  I said I just want him here safe and healthy so whatever it takes.

I have never seen the look in T’s eyes before and new he was unsure of how things were going.  Because it was an emergency they put me all the way out, and I had no clue what was happening.  I came out of anesthesia in pain I had never felt in my life before and frantically pushing the button they gave me to administered morphine.  That labor was a very traumatic situation for me.  I now had two different deliveries to recoup from, and my hormones were all out of whack. 

T said that the nurse came out of surgery to say the baby was okay but never mentioned me at all. He had no idea my outcome.  So until they actually put me in a room he had lots of thoughts going through his mind.  The doctor came to have a serious conversation with me about the delivery the next day.  He said to me that when they finally delivered K, it took them almost 30 minutes to get him to respond and breathe.  The one thing that gave them hope that he was okay is the blood gasses in the cord.  I thanked him for taking as long as he did and not give up on him, because we wanted this boy so much. 

I am thankful for the opportunity to be the mother of this little boy.  He brings a whole new dimension to our lives.  His little mind works so differently than the girls that I just marvel at the things he is interested in and the ideas that he has about stuff.  I also have a lot more dirt in my house because of this little guy.  I also receive great joy watching his father and him interact and watch their relationship develop. 

Happy 8th Birthday son!!!

OUR BABY GIRL

T and I had been married a month.  We were working hard and going to school.  I was busy grieving my mother and getting used to married life, which I believe may have been less stressful had we not lived so close to our families right off.  The Lord knew a baby is what I needed even if I did not know it at the time. 
Everyone else saw the signs before me because I had never been pregnant before what did I know about signs of pregnancy.  My sister J helped T pick out a pregnancy test and bring it to work for me, because once the possibility of a baby was suggested to me there was no way I could wait to get off work to find out, I had to know right away. 
I will never forget the looks on both our faces when the results showed we were pregnant.  T could not stop smiling, and I was in a daze.  Neither one of us knew how our lives would change, but we were happy to be starting a family of our own. 
I was on a huge long roller coaster of emotions because events were happening in my life that were out of my control at the time, and I was grieving my mother hard.  I was being suffocated by so many thoughts and feelings and it was hard to truly appreciate my pregnancy and the promise and joy that a newborn baby brings. 
I read to my stomach all the time.  I sang songs.  T and I went to all the doctor appointments together.  I was reading an LDS novel around the time of my ultrasound that when we had the ultrasound, the name we had picked out for a girl was totally thrown out the window and the title of the book I was reading and my mother’s middle name became her name. We were having a little girl!  When that was told to me, and I saw her on the monitor things became even more real.
She gave us a scare close to the end of my pregnancy when I had not felt her move for a day.  I worked with a lady who had a stillbirth, and she immediately shoved me out the door and another coworker took me to the hospital where T met us to have the baby monitored.  It took 30 minutes for the nurse to find a heartbeat.  I have never been so scared and so very relieved when I finally heard her heartbeat. 
Three days before her due date, I had a doctor’s appointment and went in because I had some signs that I was starting labor.  The doctor told us to go home and when I lost the twinkle in my eye to come back to the hospital.  I went about my business that day.  Contractions were happening but not too bad.  Then later that night they were annoying me, so we went to the hospital where they checked me out and sent us home. 
Then later on in the night we were back at the hospital because the contractions were closer together, and I was not able to sleep at all.  They checked me and admitted me so they could give me something to sleep for a little while so that I would be rested when things really started rolling. 
Finally, they decided to break my water and we were down to business.  Thirty-six hours later, we finally had our baby girl. She was beautiful. She came out screaming at the top of her lungs, and she has not quit talking ever since.  She came into this world with dramatic flare just like her personality.
M. is such a joy in our lives.  She has educated us on so many levels.  T and I and M have endured and survived so many things together.  I know the Lord gave her to us for a reason. 
She is our drama queen.  She likes talking, singing, and talking some more.  She is artistic like her father.  She loves to shop.  She is a good friend.  She is a good example to her siblings.  She is loyal and dependable.    She is not a hugger and a kisser.…like me, but she still lets me tuck her in sometimes with a hug and a kiss.
She has strong opinions and beliefs that make us so proud to be her parents.  Our sweet baby girl has grown into a beautiful, compassionate, young woman.  She stretches me as a mother and teaches me so much. 
It has not always been easy, but we are glad she is ours.  I am very blessed to be her mother and have really enjoyed helping her become who she is today.  I get teary eyed thinking about this last year before she is 18.  Raising M has gone by faster than I care to admit.

Happy Birthday Baby Girl!  

My Little Cee

I have been thinking quite a bit about my children and how they came to be in our little family.  This month is our Little Cee’s birthday month.  She is the youngest of the girls but number 3 in our family. 
T needed a change of employment and a change of scenery in the year 2001 and so we embarked on a move to Oregon. Just before we made that decision and move, we found out we were expecting.  I was 22 years old but would be 23 by the time the baby was born and had been a mom for 5 years already.  We were EXCITED to be adding to our family.  
The pregnancy itself was not hard, but what was happening in our lives during the pregnancy was VERY hard.  It made for a lot of nights of crying myself to sleep.  T got sick and broke out in hives on his feet, we could not seem to get rid  of them. We tried all kinds of things. 
There was the secret hope with this baby that it would be a boy because T needed a little boy buddy and someone to carry on his name.  The ultrasound confirmed that we were being BLESSED with yet another little girl.  I was okay with that because that meant they could all share a room, and I did not have to purchase different clothes. 
T saw it as a lot of prom dresses and three weddings to save for and lots of sleepless dating nights.   Then through MANY prayers and discussions, T and I decided that Oregon was not a place we could permanently put down roots and a month before Cee was born we decided to move back to Idaho. 
All I could focus on at the time was having this baby.  I would think about everything else when that was done.  So 4 days before her due date, I woke up around midnight with a sudden urge to use the bathroom and a mild contraction when my water broke.  I woke T and he woke his mother to let her know what was happening, and T and I made the 20 mile drive to Salem, Oregon.  We had driven this route several times so that T would feel comfortable driving there on his own. (He hates big cities and driving in them.) 
We made it to the hospital and they got me all settled.  I loved this hospital because they allowed me to whatever I wanted.  I was really into using Essential Oils during my labor and pregnancy, and they were all for that.  I could get in a pool or use a birthing ball, but for me I am about getting the job done.  So I bypassed the pool and the ball. I walked the halls for hours, because the contractions were not hard enough to take of business. 
I felt bad for T. because he was exhausted.  I at least had the excitement of going into labor, so I was not tired at all.  We finally conferred with the doctor that this little munchkin needed a kick start, so they started me on small dose pitocin at around 6 in the morning.  That is when the party really got started, and we were in business.  At 10 in the morning, little miss Cee made her debut in this world.  She weighed 8 pounds.  She was pudgy. She had fat rolls (fat rolls according to our standards) because her sisters before her were scrawny.
Her labor and delivery is just like her personality. She is my I will get to it when I get to it girl. She is easy going. 
It was fun to watch her two older sisters respond to her. M was so mothering and J did not want to be left out but was just little enough she was not able to do everything M was able and had to be watched because she was at least going to try because M could. These two older sisters did everything for her. Cee did not talk as fast as M and J because her sisters talked for her. They did everything for her. We had hard wood floors, so she scooted herself across them.  She did not actually crawl until Christmas time at Grandma and Grandpa’s where they had nice soft carpet. 
Cee has been my little shadow since day one.  As she has gotten older, she goes off on her own, but she still comes searching for me more than her other siblings do.  She is a kisser and a hugger.  She is very tender hearted.   It always breaks my heart to be the one to cause the tears, but they come very easily for her.  She loves to snuggle.  Her daddy thinks she gives good back rubs and foot rubs. 
She plays the piano and sings to her heart’s content.  Cee reminds me of my mother and being able to tell what kind of mood she is in, because when she is happy, she is singing and my mom was like that.  Cee is her grandpa E.’s twin.  She looks so much like him.  
She is the best 11-year-old girl a mom could have.  I feel very blessed to be her mother.  I have enjoyed her so much, and I know I will continue to enjoy her.  She is catching up to me in height and she wears my shoe size.  She is beautiful, and we love her dearly!

Reflection

Here I am another year older.  These are cellphone pictures, so they are what they are.  I thought I should document what I look like at this age. 

Every year on my birthday I write a journal entry, that entry was, in the past, written in a actual hold in your hand journal.  Well, I am embracing the digital age even more this year and have decided to write that entry here. 

I have been thinking about this for a few days now.  I am not sure why I am more melancholy about this age than I have been in the past, it could be the events that have recently happened to me or that I am getting closer to 40 every year.  Yet, maybe it is because there are some goals and desires in my life that have not been reached yet, and I am wavering towards resigning myself to the fact that maybe they will not come to fruition.  Some of them seem just within reach and others I cannot even imagine where to begin at the moment. 

I really miss my mom this year.  I have known T as many years as I had lived with my parents this year.  There are things in my life that I just know she could truly empathize with right now, and I could really use that. 

What I do know at this age is that I have so many more things to accomplish.  I have not reached my true potential yet, but little by little I see some progress.  I KNOW that I need to fight harder for my family.  I KNOW that I need to focus more on the spiritual and less on the temporal.  I KNOW that my husband loves me and my crazy.  I KNOW that my children love and need me. I KNOW that I am being prepared and refined for something far greater than I can imagine at this point. 

I just need to remember this when my mind is swirling in the abyss of guilt and insecurities and when my heart is aching for the things I so desire yet have not been able to receive.

This year I am going to fight harder for the things I LOVE.  That is my FOCUS.  I am going to find my PASSIONS again.  I have neglected them for far too long. 

OUR BEAUTIFUL TWEEN.

I am so excited to announce we have another young woman in our household. J. just turned 12 on her birthday. This girl is so precious to us. We get the privilege of being her parents.

Dear Gorgeous J:

You have such a calm, quiet spirit. We enjoy your personality and what is brings to our little family. We enjoy watching you develop your talent of playing the guitar. You are so gentle and caring with others. It amazes me the patience you have and you exercise in your life. We are so proud of you and your accomplishment of obtaining your Faith in God Award. You excel in so many things.

We love you our sweet daughter!

Right Now:

~She loves her dog and all pets.

~She loves hats.

~She loves skateboards.

~She loves her cellphone.

~She loves watching television.

~She loves her guitar.

~She looks forward to getting contacts.

SHE GAVE US THE GIFT OF PARENTHOOD

15 years ago, this beautiful young woman gave her father and I the best job ever of being parents.

Dear Beautiful M:

We are so very blessed to have you in our lives.  Thank you for allowing us to raise you.  Each new thing you bring into our family whether it is a joy or a challenge, we are grateful for what we all come away learning from it.  You with your loving, kind, funny spirit are such a joy.  Thank you for teaching me so much.  It is great to be your mama. 

We love you so much girlie!

Right now:

~She loves to sing to her ipod.

~She draws beautifully.

~She loves to plan parties.

~She loves to cook.

~She loves to create.

~She looks forward to getting a job.

~She looks forward to driving.

MY SPRING BABY

Dear Little Cee:

We are so glad you graced us with your sweet loving spirit nine years ago. Your daddy and I have not been the same since. I love your free love you give randomly and unsolicited. I love your tender little heart. You are so beautiful, and I see SO MUCH potential in you. It has been a great privilege and honor to be your mommy and watch you blossom into who you are at this very moment.

Happy Birthday Sweetheart!

Right now:
~She loves to sing.
~She loves to draw and write stories.
~She loves her baby dolls still.
~She loves to dance.
~She loves chapstick, fingernail polish, and doing her hair.
~She loves to give hugs.