If It Was Not For 2012…

We would not have sold our home only to buy another one TWO months later. That we absolutely LOVE!!!

I would not have thrown a surprise 16th birthday party for my oldest child.

I would not have tried to help mold the minds of young people in an educational setting by subbing at my children’s charter school.

We would not have become parents to yet another teenager.

I would not have attempted to spiritually direct young women on the path of righteousness as the Young Women’s president.

I would not have found myself enrolled in a class to learn to draw blood.  Now I have another certificate of completion with my name on it. 

Because of 2012, we had to help navigate our oldest in her first car wreck.

If it were not for 2012, I would not have gotten to hear J. strum beautiful songs on her guitar after hours of instruction from a wonderful teacher and rare practice on the student’s part.

I would not have gotten to watch M. sing O Holy Night at her voice lesson recital and hold her award from festival. 

I would not have heard C. play at her first piano recital and perform in her second dance recital.

If it was not 2012, we would not have become proud owners of a purebred German Shepherd that we rescued who attached herself strongly to J.  Thus making it so J. had to make a hard decision to give away her dog Kavak of 3 years.

2012 found us delivering our first litter of puppies from our Riley whom we rescued so that our son could experience newborn puppies for the first time and renew the fun that our girls have had in the past.  We sold them all but one.

If it was not for 2012, I would not have sent my son off to school all day  and found myself with extra hours during the day that I have completely filled now, but before September could not figure how I would be able to do that.

Because of 2012, our children all got to participate in 4-H and earning lots of ribbons. 

If it was not for 2012, T would not have found himself flying his flag upside down in his front yard. 

Because of 2012, T has become more mechanically inclined, more resourceful, and more watchful.

If it was not for 2012, we would not have had to be confused about when the end of the world was. 

I would not have had the opportunity of celebrating a once in a millennium birthday in December.

So here’s to the end of 2012 and hoping that 2013 finds us wiser, healthier, and happier.

Reflection

Here I am another year older.  These are cellphone pictures, so they are what they are.  I thought I should document what I look like at this age. 

Every year on my birthday I write a journal entry, that entry was, in the past, written in a actual hold in your hand journal.  Well, I am embracing the digital age even more this year and have decided to write that entry here. 

I have been thinking about this for a few days now.  I am not sure why I am more melancholy about this age than I have been in the past, it could be the events that have recently happened to me or that I am getting closer to 40 every year.  Yet, maybe it is because there are some goals and desires in my life that have not been reached yet, and I am wavering towards resigning myself to the fact that maybe they will not come to fruition.  Some of them seem just within reach and others I cannot even imagine where to begin at the moment. 

I really miss my mom this year.  I have known T as many years as I had lived with my parents this year.  There are things in my life that I just know she could truly empathize with right now, and I could really use that. 

What I do know at this age is that I have so many more things to accomplish.  I have not reached my true potential yet, but little by little I see some progress.  I KNOW that I need to fight harder for my family.  I KNOW that I need to focus more on the spiritual and less on the temporal.  I KNOW that my husband loves me and my crazy.  I KNOW that my children love and need me. I KNOW that I am being prepared and refined for something far greater than I can imagine at this point. 

I just need to remember this when my mind is swirling in the abyss of guilt and insecurities and when my heart is aching for the things I so desire yet have not been able to receive.

This year I am going to fight harder for the things I LOVE.  That is my FOCUS.  I am going to find my PASSIONS again.  I have neglected them for far too long.