Here I am another year older. These are cellphone pictures, so they are what they are. I thought I should document what I look like at this age.
Every year on my birthday I write a journal entry, that entry was, in the past, written in a actual hold in your hand journal. Well, I am embracing the digital age even more this year and have decided to write that entry here.
I have been thinking about this for a few days now. I am not sure why I am more melancholy about this age than I have been in the past, it could be the events that have recently happened to me or that I am getting closer to 40 every year. Yet, maybe it is because there are some goals and desires in my life that have not been reached yet, and I am wavering towards resigning myself to the fact that maybe they will not come to fruition. Some of them seem just within reach and others I cannot even imagine where to begin at the moment.
I really miss my mom this year. I have known T as many years as I had lived with my parents this year. There are things in my life that I just know she could truly empathize with right now, and I could really use that.
What I do know at this age is that I have so many more things to accomplish. I have not reached my true potential yet, but little by little I see some progress. I KNOW that I need to fight harder for my family. I KNOW that I need to focus more on the spiritual and less on the temporal. I KNOW that my husband loves me and my crazy. I KNOW that my children love and need me. I KNOW that I am being prepared and refined for something far greater than I can imagine at this point.
I just need to remember this when my mind is swirling in the abyss of guilt and insecurities and when my heart is aching for the things I so desire yet have not been able to receive.
This year I am going to fight harder for the things I LOVE. That is my FOCUS. I am going to find my PASSIONS again. I have neglected them for far too long.
Love this! You are just a beautiful person. No other time like this in your life. Bless you to fulfill all of your goals. So BLESSED to know you.
ReplyDeleteYou ARE what makes this mile marker special.
ReplyDeleteIt is so difficult to realize that your Mother has been gone so long... seems like yesterday.... Each of those days with our mothers becomes more and more precious now, don't they? Often as I think of Geana, I think of the beautiful music she made.
I am positive she would be very pleased with all you have done and are doing and all you are becoming. I know I am. Marge and Glenna are too. We love you!